I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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