I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
