you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
