Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
