I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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