Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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