i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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