So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
