I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
