Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
