i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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