I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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