oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
