you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
