Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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