there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
