bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
