and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i out mim tonsoeep
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