i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
