i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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