things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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