I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
