I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
