Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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