You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
