My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You took a bar mat shot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
