I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
