he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
