do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
