I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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