She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
