I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
