I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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