just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
