Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Even my vagina gasped.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize