i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
