Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
