have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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