North Korea, Best Korea!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
