my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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