Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
