she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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