Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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