Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Even my vagina gasped.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize