Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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