Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
