she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You are a genius and a whore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
