I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
