No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
