Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
