Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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