she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
