Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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