Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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