Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
