Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize