I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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