OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
