Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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