My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
