I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
