How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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