people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
