he thought i was a dude.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
