listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
