Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
