Can i not drive my cunt home
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
