so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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