Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
